I see weddings.
I see babies.
When will it be my turn?
I know I’m young. Only nineteen.
But I’m ready now.
I’ll do it NOW.
Sure I want a college degree. But I want children more.
I should have never been convinced otherwise. I would have been able to finish my first year. And maybe go back in a few. But it would have been worth it for me.
For ME.

am i wrong to think that you should still pick her over me?

you told me you dont fucking do long distance, yet this bimbo lives in marin… and i live in san jose… and you’re moving to san francisco..

id like an explanation please

me and you have OBVIOUSLY had a thing longer than you and her have.

i just dont get it

We would have been moving in together this month.
I’m so glad that we’re not.
I’m so stressed out right now. I don’t have time for you and your damn shenanigans.
You stressed me out more than school.
I’m so glad I have this weight lifted off my shoulders.
I’m so glad I can go out and do whatever the fuck I want.
True, I do miss having that someone late at night when I feel lonely.
But I want the you from three yrs ago. The you that had a future and was actually going somewhere in life. Not the you that goes to raves and works two full-time jobs and doesn’t go to school. That sounds like a lazy fuck that I’d never date. But I did cause I was waiting for the old you to come back.

She would’ve been the miracle. She would’ve changed you for the better. She would’ve forced you to grow up. And I’ll never forgive you for what you subconsciously guilted me into doing.

You ruined everything.

You made me do something unforgivable.

You will never have another chance as long as your life is as fucked up as it is now.

You are not the boy that I fell in love with, you are the BOY that I depise.

Grow the fuck up and move on with your damn life.

I’m so happy I’ve moved on from you. You texted me today, I didn’t recognize the number at first, and then I deleted the message.
Its like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don’t have to baby you and try to show you the right path.
You said you wanted to take care of me, but you didn’t even know what you were doing with yourself. Or if you did, I sure as hell didn’t like it.
I’m done. We’re through. That’s that.
You’re not the person I fell in love with. And you’ve been growing into someone that I dislike, not someone that I can live without.
Because guess what. I’m living without you now. And I’m damn happy. Like all the time. I don’t remember the last time I was sad. Like legitimately sad. I’ve been stressed and frustrated, but not sad. I have no reason to be.

I look at stuff that we’ve said in the past and there’s honestly no way that this is completely over. We mean the world to each other. You can’t let something like that go…
I talked to your mom today. She really makes it seem like she is not any what at fault, when you told me that she had given up on this too. Well today she told me differently. I don’t know what to do or what to think but I know why you did this.

You did this because you still haven’t grown up. Sure, the years have passed and you’ve aged, you’re almost 21!! But you’re no where near acting how a man should act. You’re still running away from your problems, and there’s nothing that I can do about that. I did everything AND MORE, and it still wasn’t enough.
If you feel like you’re missing apart of yourself because you pushed me away ONCE AGAIN, just know that its gonna become harder and harder to come back each time. I Always give you a thousand and one chances, but this chance of getting an apartment while we’re just dating, never happening again. I watched you run away with cold feet and blame it on something else. How do I know you won’t do that again? Oh that’s right, I’m supposed to “trust” you. Well honey, I’ve been doing my best for the last four years but you’re actions always make me think otherwise. I don’t know what to tell ya anymore. I love you with all my heart, but you need to stand up and stand out and show some real goddamn commitment if you ever want this to work again.

You seem so much happier without me. I’m so scared and nervous and worried. Everyone says you’ll come back. But idk how you will. I honestly don’t think you will. And that terrifies me. I have 50% of people saying that you’ll come back and 50% saying that I deserve better. But what if both sides are right..I think both sides are right. I know I deserve better, but I pray everyday that you’ll come back.

Every night on 11:11 I wished that you would propose to me this year, and you did the exact opposite…you left…

What do I do now?! I had everything planned out and you just ripped it out from under me.

I want things to go back. I’ll lay off. We can spend more time with my parents. I’ll make money. Let’s move in together.

Now I’m afraid that was your one and only chance. If you ever want to move in again in the future, you’re gonna have to say “I do” first. I can’t trust that you won’t run away again. It took so much outta me to be able to trust you and bring you back into my family and to stand up to them and say all those things. And you still just walked away. I don’t understand how you could do that. I did so much for you…..